Thursday, September 15, 2016

God Save Me From Myself

Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul.
Psalm 69:1

Save me from myself. My life is filled with big mistakes and big regrets. I'm shaking inside like an Autumn leaf. So scared I'm about to fall.
My choices, my decisions, and my consequences. I seek the pathways of Earthly wisdom ahead of you. Seeking truth in all places but your Word.
A hypocrit I am. That is putting it mildly. That doesn't even scratch the surface of who I have become.

I become so angry and take delight in seeing someone who has hurt me fall. That one that fell is hurting. I just can't see it with my eyes.

Help me, I'm only human.

It's so hard to love those who hurt me.

Why is it when I try to help, I make things worse?

This cross is weighing on me. It's breaking me underneath its load. Lord, even You needed someone to help You carry yours. How much weaker than I, than you? I'm just flesh and blood. Frail in my nature and my being. You are divine and strong in Your nature.

You send minstering angels at times with encouraging words like you did for Your Son. Oh, God, help my unbelief. Help me in doubting their words. Strengthen my weak faith.

Strenthen me to endure all suffering and give me the ability to praise You in it. Your Son did your will, I know but He felt our pain. He begged to let this cup to pass if you would, but He would drink of it, if it was Your will. Sweet heaven, give me that willingness.

I don't know if I can face these hardships. They are of my own making. I have to make amends of where I failed.

Lord, lift this burden from my heart. My enemies take delight in my suffering. Don't make my heart be calloused to take delight in theirs. But let it break for them.

If all this must come to pass, God hold me and calm me as the storm and the winds howl. Give me peace in the midst and hold me close. Most of all, save me from myself.

In Your Son's name, who sacrificed all he had for someone such as me,

"The most important of life's battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul."