Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil:the Lord reward him according to his works.
2 Timothy 4:14
Paul never mentions what exactly Alexander did to him. But he described it as Great Evil, so I take it must have been really bad. Paul was human like the rest of us, and I'm sure he became angry in his heart over this. The differences between Paul and I diverge right here. He simply states for God to deal with him. He puts it in God's hands. No more is mentioned after this in his letter. Paul I'm sure prayed for him and would probably shown him kindness if he needed it. Paul though put this all into God's care. God would deal with this situation, one way or another, he must have thought. In other words, he let it go.
We have the tendency to hold grudges. Those who have wronged us or hurt us, they stay with us as we reopen the wound so many times. Those individuals aren't hurting in the least bit by our bitterness. The only person we are hurting is ourselves. In doing so, our hearts are filled with poison. One quote I have heard is,"Holding a grudge is like taking a poison and waiting for the other person to die."
How often I feel like the lament in Lamentations 3:1-6,"I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath. He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than the light; indeed he has turned his hand against me again and again all day long. He has made my skin and flesh grow old and has broken my bones. He has besieged me and surrounded me with bitterness and hardship. He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead."
The truth is I can't let it go. I can't let go of the hurt inflicted on me by others. He knows this, if we would only be honest with Him. I can't forgive in my own strength. Only when I lay it down at His feet everytime it pops up can I get past it. Sure I may try lugging it around for a long while, but it finally wears me down.
I must look like my little 3 year old boy to God. He will pick up something real heavy and lug it around until he just can't move anymore. At that moment, I hear,"Dada, help me." I had been watching all the time. Waiting for the right moment to assist. If I helped without him asking, he would become angry. Only when he came to the realization that he couldn't do it alone, did I come to his aid.
God is patient. Letting me wear myself out. Till I come to the point I look up at His strong arms and say,"Father, help me. I can't carry the load anymore. Teach me how to let go and let You."