"The most important of life's battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul."

Friday, May 18, 2007

Soul Bound

My soul is in anguish.

How long, O LORD, how long?

Psalm 6:3

(New International Version)

In the night while my soul sleeps,
I realize where I am.
All of a sudden my soul leaps,
but these chains I start to slam.

I am bound to the ground,
I jerk my arms to the left and right.
In frustration and anger I furiously pound,
Here comes the night.

The darkness closes in around me,
My eyes struggle in the absence of light.
I yell at the darkness trying to break free,
And so begins the fight.

I hear voices off in the distance calling out to me,
What is that they are saying?
So many voices shrieking like a banshee,
These horrendous voices, my ears, is there no allaying?

The odor that assaults my senses,
It is something just putrid on the air.
What is that in the distance preparing its offenses?
It's coming to rip and tear.

My mouth has the taste of something rotton in it,
This I can't quite discern.
This frightful place assaults my very senses,
The restiveness makes my stomach churn.

I await my fate peering into the void,
I feel the cold metal shackles around my wrists.
My life's meaning has become devoid,
I squeeze my hands into tight fists.

I call out to you,
In the hope that you hear me.
"I've lost it all, it's all I ever knew,
I feel so empty. Why aren't you with me?"

"I am holding on,
but I feel like giving in.
Staring out for the rising of the dawn,
Struggling within."

I scream at the top of my voice,
"Do you hear me?"
Through tear streaked face I shout,"I have no choice."
"I offered ten years off my life. He didn't have to die, did he?"

"He was my light,
without a light I fear I'll stumble in the dark.
This is my only plight,
Which way do I embark?"

"I can't remember who I am,
I've lost myself.
Is light just a sham?
What does one do with oneself?"

On the outside I am hiding in my skin,
There I am at a loss for words.
broken from within,
Is this what girds?

Outwardly, I sit in silence and wonder what led me to this place,
How my life seems so lifeless and cold.
Where is my face?
Despair has taken hold.

All my efforts are like chasing the wind for others to see,
And I've given all my strength and there's nothing left to give.
My attempts have successfully drove me to one knee,
All this cause me to misgive.

I've lost all feeling and I'm numb to the core,
So much, so much distress.
I can't fake it anymore,
Feelings I try to suppress.

Inwardly, my bound soul faces the emptiness as it approaches,
Antagonizing the nothingness and challenging it.
Caring less if it encroaches,
No matter my life I won't submit.

The face coming out of the shroud is recognizable some how,
The voice distinctly familiar to me.
"This can't be, I won't allow,
That's not me, you let me be."

It says nothing back to me,
For it is just my soul's shadow, you see.

Lance Gargus

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