I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
3 John 1:4
"Don't let me down, I want to see y'all again," was the words that hang in the back of my mind. The words that drive me on. The words of a father that wants to see his children in heaven with him. Other Fathers were consumed with the smartest and most athletic abilities with their children, he was concerned with his children's walk with the Father. But, Lord, without you how can I do that and lead my family home?
Questions arise in my mind. Do I let my children down? Am I an example for them? I've got so far to go. I've made so many mistakes. With all the pressures I can't seem to get it right. I want my little children to see Him. I seem mighty tall to them, but I'm learning from the best Father of all. The One my earthly father learned from. Something for their innocent eyes to see.
There is no replacing the memories of the walks I took with my father in the cool of the evening. We headed down that old, dusty gravel road as the sun would be setting. Him telling spiritual truths I didn't fully understand and still don't totally comprehend. But I knew in his presence I was loved. The road could have lead me anywhere, and didn't matter as long as he was going with me. Looking at his feet I tried to match him step for step. And still try too, even now, with much struggle.
I walk now, but not alone. I feel my earthly father and heavenly father's presence. I can feel the touch on my shoulder as a little child. The touch of a father's hand to encourage me to go on no matter how hard it gets.
As I touch my son's shoulder and hold his hand, it scares me so much. How can I lead him when I get so mixed up myself? And in that moment I drift back to that time. Just like I do him and my dad did me, when I'm tired I was carried. Placed on a shoulder to look back at the setting sun with its many splendid colors of fiery red, yellow, and orange. He let me lean on his strength when I became too weary for my little feet to carry on. And when we headed home he would let me ride his shoulders as the wind blew against my face. He lifted me up to what seemed like the top of the world. In that moment I felt 10 feet tall lifted up to the sky. I felt I could see past the horizon in the distance. The longer I walked with him the closer we became.
We saw all of God's handiwork in his creation and the wonders of a new world to me. Everything was new and exciting to discover. Pointing out various things and telling me the story behind it. Answering so many questions my young mind had. If he grew weary of the curious questions, I never noticed it. He seemed to have knowledge and wisdom beyond my few little years on this earth.
If I fell, he picked me up and dusted me off. He put me back on my feet. He calmed my fears. Wiping my tears away. I raised my eyes and saw the kindness of a father's love for his child. His kindness is what pulled me up to go on and his love kept me walking on. I would cry out, "Hold me." Sometimes not really needing to be carried. But just wanting his attention.
The sun set and cast long shadows across the ground as we strolled along. My shadow was so small but his seemed so tall. It looked like a giant's shadow though he was a man of medium height. The sun showed how I saw him. That no matter how tall I got, I would always look up to him.
I know he fretted over every footstep I made, as I do mine. He couldn't do it for me, but was there for me if when I needed him. And he and my Heavenly Father continue to be. His little boy continues the walk into the deepest parts of his soul. All the while being followed by the little footsteps behind me.
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Tuesday, May 22, 2007
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