How long. O Lord?

 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? Psalm 13:1. The verse I spoke aloud that day over my son. Words I spoke over and over holding and cradling my child. Sitting on a hillside begging for someone to help me. Could they resurrect my son’s lifeless body? All I knew in that moment I needed, I looked for, I longed for my Savior to appear. For now I was the child in need of a Father. Begging for the breath of life to come back into his body. Yet, it remained cold. Cold as it was when the Father watched from afar as His Son was taken down from the Cross. As one father talking to another I felt just a bit of His pain and frustration. He could do nothing that day to stop His Son’s death. It was the only way my son could live again. But I wanted that moment to be now. Not later. So I cried to Him,”How long must us mortals die? How long must we suffer loss? How long before we can see them again? How long will You hide Your face from me? Can You see me? I think I have a right now to ask?” Through sobs and cries of anger I spoke this over and over for two hours until the first responders came. They gave me my space to grieve. Almost like me….waiting to see what happened next. Waiting to see if He appeared. But like so many scenes like this. Nothing but silence. So I wait. Still back there that day until the end of my days. How long? O Lord. How long? How long until I personally see Your face? I will wait. It’s all I can do. For You know the loss of a Son. You know the pains of a father. And you hold every tear I cry in a jar. And someday You will look me in the face and wipe away each tear that streams down my cheeks. With my eyes I will see You crying my tears with me…….