And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:
For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
Luke 15:20-24
"It is not flesh and blood but the heart, which makes us fathers and sons." - Johann Schiller
I don't want the man I was to rise up in me again,
He keeps me awake at night.
I try to silence this storm coming from within,
I yearn for peace and rest from this fight.
The waters coming rushing over me,
Pushing and pulling me underneath its rage.
Shouting here I am Lord and I'm drowning,
Trembling hands reaching for the rock of age.
Echoing in my mind that I'm just one mistake away,
Back to where you found me on that day.
Tears have filled my eyes with the coming of the dawn,
Here I am trying to carry on.
Daddy, please, don't leave me this way.
As the rushing waters begin to weigh.
The oncoming waters are drowning out your truth,
Asking me where is my proof?
This world has gotten me thinking for myself,
Saying answers come from a book on a shelf.
Seeking for the truth that your word reveals,
Praying for the peace only you can seal.
Looking at the world I had made my friend,
The ones always reminding me of my sin.
They flow like a raging river driven on by a storm,
The tattering of my heart's sails being ripped and torn.
I've held out as long as I can,
Letting go and holding out my hands.
As the current sweeps along,
In that instant of weakness I found where I belong.
Daddy, take my hands.
From that moment I'm lifted on to dry land.
I am so unworthy to be called your son again,
All the while your wrapping me in your light.
Before my final amen,
No more wandering, no more plight.
You embrace me with your arms,
Holding me close to you.
Son, this is just the beginning,
I'm here now to see you through.
by
Lance Gargus
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6 comments:
Giving us opportunities to give Him the benefit of our doubts is one of the reasons why we are in this world as we naturally are. For it is rather easy to love someone who always does what we want them to; but it takes a very special kind of love to want to hang in there with someone who almost always does not (naturally-speaking, of course).
Dearest Lance, my good brother,
I have left you a message at MyBlogLog after seeing your message. Please feel free to email me.
The peace of the LORD be upon you.
Va'aleichem Hashalom.
Lance,
I do not know what is causing your angst and I do not need to know.
I can only tell you that I have been where you are and it really isn't as bad as you might think. Do not beat yourself up.
God, in his infinite wisdom, knows that we, as mortals, are not perfect and He loves us no matter what. Never doubt this and do not think He has abandoned you.
Peace, brother, and may you soon be healed.
P.S. I just reread your community comment and, as you should know, God will never, ever allow you to have a burden which you can not carry. And Psalms 55:22 says "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee." Matthew 11:28 says, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
I'd like to echo MorganLighter, particularly the second comment. I understand EXACTLY when you say that you don't want the former man, the person you were, come back again. Lance, I don't know who that person was in your case, but according to Christ, that person is dead and you are a new being in Christ, even when it doesn't feel like that. I don't know if you are facing a temptation or a temper problem or a possible return to something you once did that you loathe, but I will pray for you. Lance, this earthly life is so hard, but you are a good servant and you are loved beyond measure. Do you love your kids because of what they do? No, you loved them the minute you knew they existed inside the body of your wife. Even if they rebel, you will always love them and with your good parenting, they will return and you shall show grace. God has done the same for us, and I often need to read that parable to remind myself. I can't believe I'm writing this stuff--I don't do it often, but think of who you are in God's eyes; how do you think he sees you? Unworthy? Well, you and the rest of us were worth enough to him that he sent us our Savior and redeemed us through the blood. That is what loving parents do--they give everything of themselves to save their kids. And that is who you are, my brother, his son, worthy of righteousness because God deemed it so. When I get into debates at work about Jesus and people tell me how bad God is, I answer: You seem to forget that God is God and he didn't need to make the universe or the earth or the angels or man. He was under no obligation. He chose to do so, which means he chose you, Lance, to be who you are and where you are right now. God bless and keep you and your wonderful family, my precious friend who I only know through a blog. Even in the deepest darkness, he is there. You are NOT alone.
Hi Lance,
I finnish read your post “ Unworthy to be called your son” and as always you rich out deeply my soul. I hope you don’t mean it this to your person, because if there are someone that is not unworthy for God, this one will not be you. Believe in it Lance!
My dear friend and brother, you are one of the fews that always be worthy to be called His Son.
Even it seems sad to me, I love it. I think people like we two can feel the love and the sadness more deeply than others. Well, maybe this make us his workers because the love that we bring in our hearts is His own Love, that’s why we can feel love for everybody and all. To know that, should give us happyness and not sadness.
I send love to you my friend. « hope you can use the gifts that God has given to you to feel it » :-)
Happy Valentine`s day to you and Gina!
Take care,
Sónia
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